


An Attack On The Heart

by Maisie_top_trash



Series: Unseen - Fear Will Lose [21]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Attack, Homophobia, M/M, etc etc - Freeform, general angst that you all asked for guys, homophobic abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-05-30
Packaged: 2018-11-06 20:46:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11044011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maisie_top_trash/pseuds/Maisie_top_trash
Summary: Unseen Fear Will Lose is a series of single chapter stories showing unseen scenes from the same universe as my main story, Fear Will Lose. In order to fully enjoy these extra bits, I recommend you go and read that first.Fear Will LoseMy most requested fic so far - the attack fic. As mentioned in the main fic, Tyler is attacked by Josh's family when they learn of their relationship. Takes place when they are both teenagers and therefore before the main story - enjoy and stay safe x





	An Attack On The Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Triggers (avoid for spoilers)  
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> Homophobic language and violence, graphic depictions of said violence including blood, brief mentions of self harm and child abuse

There was no other way to describe it, Tyler was giddy in love. Every fibre of his being from the tips of his toes to the end of his nose was pulsing with a warmth that had never been felt before and got stronger and stronger by the day, nay, the minute. Tyler was infatuated.

All the things that used to be so broken now felt stronger than ever, the blue in his heart, the ache in his every step, the fault lines in his soul. Healed, repaired, forgotten and replaced with joy.

It was weird being the happy one. For as long as he could remember, Tyler had been the plain weird one, the one Mom had to keep an extra eye on and the one Dad had to search the room of, the one who nobody blinked twice if they saw sobbing and the one who everyone knew cut himself but nobody dare address it. And now? Now everything was different and it was all because of Josh.

"What you smiling about?" Zack smirked as he walked into Tyler's bedroom. "Josh?"  
"Maybe." Tyler laughed as his younger brother leant against the wall and watched him with a knowing grin.  
"You guys make me sick."  
"You know you love us really."  
"Pffff," he scoffed. "He coming round tonight?"  
"Nah he's out with Debby, she's cheering at some competition and he's watching."  
"Aw good for them, I'm glad they're finally back to normal, yanno, since you stole her man."  
"I love how much you bring that up Zack, really helps us all to move on." Tyler shook his head then laughed.

"You guys texting?"  
"Nope, he's got no phone service. That or he's dead."  
"Probably dead."  
"Yeh probably, I mean he called me and we spoke for a bit and then he started breaking up and the line died so yep, he's definitely dead."  
"Might as well move on, want me to hook you up with someone new?"  
"Thanks man," Tyler smiled.

"How long has it been since you last spoke?"  
"45 50 minutes?"  
"Oh you poor soul," Zack pouted. "Why not go round to his place? Surprise him when he gets back?"  
"And what? Hang out with Mr and Mrs burn-the-gays-Dun? Yeah I'm sure that'll work out just great."  
"Does your boyfriend know you talk about his parents like that?"  
"Please. Where do you think I learned it?"  
"As if Joshua Dun would have a bad word to say about anyone." The younger retorted doubtfully.  
"Admittedly that particular gem is my own creation."

"But he says that sort of thing? About his parents."  
"He doesn't really talk about them."  
"Because they're homophobic?"  
"Well I'm just presuming." Tyler shrugged.  
"So you don't know whether your boyfriend's parents are homophobic? Isn't that the sort of thing that couple's talk about?"  
"It's not exactly the most romantic of topics. If I'm honest I'm not overly keen to find out about more people who are against us being together, sometimes ignorance is bliss."  
"Doesn't sound like ignorance, sounds like denial." Zack said.  
"If Josh wanted to talk to me about it or warn me or anything like that, he would. He's my boyfriend, he loves me and I love him, he hasn't introduced me to them as his boyfriend and I'm sure he's got his reasons and I trust him."

"Yanno Jordan still thinks he's dating Debby."  
"How'd you know that?"  
"We've got English together, we were just talking and he made some comments about you being a third wheel or whatever."  
"You didn't correct him did you?"  
"No no, I didn't say anything really, I just thought you should know."  
"Again, it's Josh's business when he wants to tell his family."  
"You've been going out like 5 months."  
"Zack not every family is like ours, okay? Not a lot of parents would move across the city because their son was struggling at their last place, not all parents put their kid's needs before everything else like ours do, not all parents prioritise their kids like ours do. We're lucky."  
"There's being a good parent and then there's being a decent human being. Maybe they wouldn't give up everything for Josh like Mom and Dad did for you and your mental health, but they've gotta at least respect his sexuality, right? Like it doesn't hurt them to just not be assholes."  
"They should, doesn't mean they do."

"I don't get it."  
"Homophobia?" Tyler presumed and Zack nodded.  
"Like it's totally irrational? It's literally just guys in love? If a guy's in love with a girl then that's fine, but the moment those exact same feelings are directed at another guy, suddenly it's a crime."  
"Yup."  
"And it can do amazing things, just look at you. A while back you hated yourself and I used to swing by to casually check you weren't hurting yourself, and now I'm swinging by because I could see your grin from the hall. That's all down to Josh. How could anybody be against something that makes a person so much happier?"  
"If only the rest of the world thought like you Zack, it would be a much nicer place to live in."

 

 

 

In spite of the tone the conversation had taken after the suggestion, Tyler decided to go along with Zack's idea of surprising Josh when he got back from his afternoon with Debby. He knew it wouldn't be much longer, Josh had called to say that they were on the their way back before continuing to gush over how well his ex had done. It made Tyler smile that they had somehow managed to get back to some sort of normality, and he wanted to be there to join in with the celebrations once they returned.

He'd met Mr and Mrs Dun many many times when he had only been their son's friend, and as far as they were concerned he still was. Tyler knew they were homophobic and he knew Josh was scared of them and he knew Josh was scared of telling him, but he wasn't afraid. Sexuality was something he was genuinely confident in and if for some reason they wanted to make some snide comments or even right out rude comments, he was prepared to come back at them with everything he'd ever stood for or represented. Maybe he wouldn't change their minds, but at least he wouldn't let them walk all over him.

Confrontation was a peculiar thing for Tyler to so proudly decide to accept as one of his character traits, and made him think back to something else that Zack had said whilst he continued the short walk to his boyfriend's house. Josh had helped him, saved him, reached in and pulled him out of the deep plunging pool of depression and anxiety and whatever those little voices he used to hear were, the ones that made him touch things so many times and do certain things certain ways. Whatever the nightmare was, it was over now and it was thanks to Josh. Anxiety was but a distant nightmare, and he was ready to stand up for what he believed in and who he was.

Tyler turned the corner to the street where Josh and Debby lived, and saw that Debby's car wasn't back yet. Josh's old but proudly possessed Chevy Camaro was parked up on the drive and Tyler couldn't remember whether the pair had driven together or separately to the event, and a small flicker of hope emerged in his chest that Josh might already be home. He walked towards his boyfriend's door and knocked.

"Hi Mr Du-"  
"Filthy fucking faggot." He hissed and before Tyler had time to even process what was going on, a fist collided with his jaw and his head was involuntarily thrown backwards. Less than half a second later a second punch landed deep in Tyler's solar plexus and he instantly crumpled over in two with a groan. He desperately attempted to take a step back from the door but the man shoved his hunched form down hard whilst simultaneously snaking a boot around his ankle and pulling it from under him. With a pained shriek of shock he collided with the ground, cheek bone landing on the sharp lip of the doorframe.

"Fag, you make me sick." Mr Dun spat on him and Tyler felt it collide with the back of his throbbing head, and tears began running down his cheeks. Just as he was about to climb up from the ground, the heavy black boot stood on the side of his face and pinned him down, then suddenly Tyler's whole body screamed in agony as the front door was slammed straight into his head. He felt the blood trickle from the swelling wound but the tormentor didn't let up and kept Tyler's face pressed to the ground, then suddenly the door smashed harder into his skull, then again, then again and Tyler could no longer hold back the darkness that crept in with the stars at the edges of his tear filled vision.

 

 

  
Josh was not in the least bit ashamed as he proudly sang every single lyric to Taylor Swift's Wildest Dreams to a reception of Debby's near hysterical laughter. The song coincidentally came to and end as she turned down the street where they both lived and grew up together.  
"See how did I not see this before? Ooooobviously you're gay." She teased and Josh smiled because it had taken a long time for them to get to the point where they could make jokes.  
"What? You mean the fact we've watched every single episode of The Bachelor together wasn't clue enough?"  
"Oh, what on Earth...?" Her smile fell and Josh looked to see what had caught her attention, and immediately his heart dropped when he saw something laying in the way of the door to his house. Crap. Had someone passed out? Was someone hurt? Had something bad gone down?

"It's a person Debby, it's a person, let me out."  
"Alright just let me park outside my place."  
"Stop the car!" Josh panicked and she pulled up to the sidewalk but the vehicle had barely stopped moving before he leapt out, blood frozen in his veins. Despite that he managed to surge forwards and sprint the remaining distance until he saw Tyler's red socks. It was Tyler. It was Tyler laying face down on his porch, abandoned and unmoving, Tyler with his red socks and red blood pouring from his unrecognisable skull and leaking into a puddle that already filled the step, already dripped down the step, already ran down the asphalt and towards Josh. It was Tyler, dead on his doorstep.

"Hello, yes, I need an ambulance," he heard Debby say but he couldn't actually hear anything except every single thing simultaneously and it was deafening and it was isolating and it was dizzying and he was crying and Tyler was dying. Tyler was already dead.

He collapsed to his knees beside the broken body, narrowly avoiding the blood puddle that wasn't seeping from his boyfriend's head, it was pulsing. It was pulsing and growing and Josh couldn't see through his tear swollen eyes and he couldn't grasp how time passed because everything was frozen but it was moving too fast, but he soon felt the warm metallic liquid connect with his jeans and the fabric begin to absorb it. He soaked in his boyfriend's blood and his tears.

"H-hang on, um, u-um, yes! There's a faint pulse." Debby joined him in kneeling to the shrine of what once had been and placed two fingers on his neck. His blood soaked neck with her blood soaked fingers. "He's breathing. I think."

Josh could feel the blood crawling up his legs but he couldn't see anything except the teary blurs of red melting with the grey of the clouds above. He couldn't hear anything except his own sobs, he couldn't hear Tyler breathing, he didn't care that Debby had told the emergency services dispatcher that he was breathing, he couldn't hear him and he couldn't breathe and he couldn't live without him.

Suddenly Josh could no longer hold in the contents of his stomach and scrambled to avoid throwing up all over his dead boyfriend, just about managing to hold back the vomit until he was clear of the puddle of blood that grew by the second. As soon as he managed to choke in a breath of air, another hurl clawed up involuntarily and he threw up again.

"Josh I need your shirt." Debby brought him back to her level with a shaking instruction. Even though all he wanted to do was throw up again or throw himself off a cliff, he somehow managed to peel his shirt off and place it in her hand that was not holding her phone. She managed to balance the device between her shoulder and her ear whilst folding up the fabric, then carefully pressed it to the bleeding side of Tyler's head. He didn't respond at all and the white fabric turned crimson in milliseconds.

"I think, I, I think I can see inside his he-head," she whimpered down the line and Josh threw up again.

 

 

Zack had never cried this hard for this long in his entire life. He was absolutely certain he'd never wept like this in one go before, and something within told him he'd never cried this much combined throughout his life. It had started the same time Mom's tears had started when she answered the phone and continued throughout the car journey, throughout the arrival at the hospital, throughout the briefing from the doctor, throughout the duration of the emergency surgery and throughout the 2 hours he had spent watching his brother on the ventilator from the chair in his ICU room.

They had to give him CPR twice on the ambulance route here, had to defibrillate him once, had to give him countless units of blood, had to perform brain surgery and insert a metal plate to patch over the hole in his skull. And now they had to wait. With a tube shoved down his throat and a pump taking his breaths and a monitor spiking each fragile beat of his fragile heart, and a brother and a mother sobbing from the sidelines.

The doctor said they had to wait and see. Mom had asked how he was, how long he'd be on the ventilator, how long he'd be unconscious, how likely he was to make a full recovery, how soon they'd be able to tell if he was ever going to be okay. The doctor said they had to wait and see.

Apparently he was moments away from death, the doctor had told them the news like it was some hidden secret that Zack couldn't work out by looking at the crumpled bruised mess of a body on the bed in front of them. He was black and blue all over, kicks that broke ribs and swelled kidneys, but the thing that Zack couldn't stop staring at was his head. A thick round bandage looped his shaven scalp and his mouth was propped open by the plastic collar of a tube that connected to two opaque corrugated tubes which plugged into a tube behind the head of his bed. It forced breaths into his brother, the only movements that suggested any sort of life.

Zack couldn't stop crying and couldn't stop watching. It was terrifying and it was addictive.

This was his fault, it had been his idea for Tyler to go to the Dun's house, Tyler had tried to tell him that it wasn't safe but Zack hadn't dropped it. He should have known Tyler was vulnerable, that his continuation of the conversation would have got in his older brother's head and caused him to do something dumb. This was all his fault and his brother might die because of him, if not death then something potentially worse, brain damage. Maybe he'd never walk again, maybe he'd never talk again, maybe he'd never be anything but a dribbling lifeless shell all because of him.

"Hey," a soft hoarse voice tired from crying whispered as the door opened, and Zack looked up to see Debby walking in, sleeves covering her hands anxiously as she tucked a stray hair from her messy bun behind her ear.  
"Hi sweetheart," Mom forced herself to greet Tyler's friend. She walked over to the edge of Ty's bed and gripped the rails tightly, watching him for a moment then turning over her shoulder with tears in her eyes.

"How is he?"  
"Critical but stable."  
"Mmm," she nodded then turned back to him for another long minute. Zack understood. He understood why she stared and why she shook and why she cried.

"I'm so sorry Mrs Joseph,"  
"Sweetheart you've got absolutely no reason to apologise,"  
"M-maybe if I h-had been qu-icker," Debby couldn't hold back a sob, and Mom stood up from the chair and pulled her into a tight hug whilst shushing her.  
"You saved his life Debby, you saved my baby's life, you went above and beyond. Thank you."  
"A-any-thing for Ty." She gasped and Mom let go, then turned her attention to Tyler, reaching out and taking his limp hand in hers.  
"You're gonna get better, aren't you baby? Gonna get better and gonna thank Debby yourself."

"Is Josh here?" Zack managed to speak up through the tears.  
"He, um, he wanted to, he just, he's struggling?" She explained tearfully. "I said I'd come, pass on his love to Ty and to you."  
"Is he safe? From his parents? From himself?" Mom asked her.  
"He's with my brother at home."  
"Right across the street from where they did this?"  
"Yeh," the younger nodded tearfully. "Um, actually Mrs Joseph, um, can I speak to you outside?"  
"Can it be said here? Just, I, I'd rather not leave Ty."  
"Yeh okay, so um, so the police came with the ambulance and uh, a-and, well I don't know how to say this, um, they're, they're not going to arrest Bill."  
"What?!"  
"Laura and Jordan gave him an alibi, it's their word against Tyler's and the police say a, uh, an arrest wouldn't hold up in court." She shared shakily and Zack felt sick. Where was the fucking justice?! "Since Ty can't make a statement, they've got not evidence."  
"Surely the fact he can't give a statement is evidence enough! Look at him!" Mom exclaimed.  
"I'm sorry Mrs Joseph, this is just what I overheard, I'm sorry."  
"Sorry, sorry, I didn't mean to uh, well, I'm just sorry." She calmed down again whilst watching Tyler tearfully.

It was scary to think that without the tubing rammed down his throat he would be dead. It was scary to think he was almost dead. It was scary to think that he still could be dead at any moment and there was nothing Zack could do.

"Is he in pain?"  
"No no," Mom said definitely which also comforted Zack a minuscule amount. "He's on a lot of pain killers, he's high as a kite, no pain."  
"Is he gonna get better than this?"  
"We'll see."

 

 

  
Mom was having a much needed rest that Dad had to practically order her to take after 3 days, and instead Dad was filling her usual seat in intensive care. Zack hadn't been pulling shifts quite as long as her, so he was permitted to stay and Jay had also joined the men. He was only 8 and didn't truly understand what was going on and Tyler wasn't joining in with his games, but in a way it was a nice distraction for Zack to watch his little brother's innocent play opposed to his older brother's unconscious vessel.

3 days, no change, no improvement, no hope. Each hour seemed to last longer than the last and Zack didn't know how much more he could take. When he wasn't sobbing he was simmering in his own anger. The anger he felt towards Bill was a blazing hot ball of fury which was fuelling more anger towards himself for putting the idea in Ty's head and the hospital staff for not doing anything and towards Josh for not visiting his comatose boyfriend once.

Not even once.

"Daddy? What's TyTy doing?" Jay asked and suddenly Zack looked up from his feet and heard and saw Tyler choking and gagging on the intubation tube, bucking against it in what began as agitation but was soon turning to panic. Zack wasn't sure whether to be delighted that Tyler was potentially waking up or terrified that something was wrong.

"Zack, get a nurse." Dad said as he rushed to Tyler's bedside and attempted to calm down his distressed jerks. Zack didn't even waste time replying, just hurriedly left the room then ran the short distance down to the nurse's station at the end of the ICU corridor. Several female and one male nurse were talking at the desk and all stopped to look at him but he didn't recognise any of them from Tyler's team. That didn't exactly matter as his heart pounded and he tried to find the words to explain what was happening.

"Tyler, he can't, my brother can't breathe."  
"Okay I'm coming, Jane?"  
"Paging Dr Kanwar." The woman knew what she was going to say and the first nodded then followed Zack back down the corridor towards the room.

"He's fully ventilated right? Room 7?"  
"Yeh."  
"Okay try not to panic, we'll sort it." She said, then opened the door once they reached it and walked straight over to Tyler. Dad stepped back and gave her space whilst Jay ran straight into Zack's arms.  
"Please, I don't know what's wrong, he just started choking." Dad told the nurse who turned off an alarm that had started after Zack left.  
"Try not to worry sir," the nurse said nonchalantly, rightfully distracted by the task at hand. Tyler still gagged and the nurse took out a stethoscope and listened to his lungs whilst Zack watched in horror as suddenly Tyler began kicking out desperately, feet scraping against the mattress and hands grabbing onto the rails. As long last he was moving but not in the way Zack ever wanted, he was thrashing and bucking like his life was at a stake.

"Tyler, Tyler I need you to calm down, Tyler calm, calm down." She instructed and another nurse followed by a doctor that Zack finally recognised as Dr Kanwar entered the ICU room. Zack had to move to make room for them as they quickly stood either side of the bed and pinned him down to stop him grabbing at the nurse as she worked, and the younger brother felt himself tear up a little. Tyler must be so scared.

"Tyler it's okay, I'm here, Zack's here, Dad and Jay too, you're safe." Zack called out to his brother, not sure whether he could hear him but feeling like he had no choice but to try and help.  
"Are we removing the endotracheal tube?"  
"Not like this, he's going to hurt himself, Maria can you put him under please." Dr Kanwar said whilst still tightly gripping Tyler's arm and stopping him reaching whatever he was trying to grab.  
"Which sedative?"  
"Low dosages of benzodiazepine, midazolam, plus get the morphine on hand for ET withdrawal please." He told her and she left, leaving just two members of staff to calm down Tyler's kicks and thrashes and gags.

"What's happening?"  
"We're gonna take him off the ventilator, he's waking up but it's too soon so we're medically rendering him unconscious."  
"Why's it too soon?" Dad asked.  
"Comfort primarily, taking the tube out isn't going to feel pleasant, plus we haven't evaluated his condition and we don't want him worsening it prematurely."

"Here." The nurse walked back in carrying syringes of medication. She began introducing them into the IV line in Tyler's hand and it only took a matter of seconds for the sedative effect to take place and for his manic movements to subdue before eventually stopping completely. Jay nestled into Zack's side, and Zack felt tears dripping from his jaw and onto the younger boy's head.

"Let's remove this ET tube as soon as possible, I need a clean towel and suction on hand, a 10ml syringe for deflation, plus 5mg IV of morphine to be pushed through in case of breathlessness."  
"Diazepam too?"  
"Urm, yeh, yeh let's have it on standby." Dr Kanwar agreed with the nurse. "And let's be safe, can you get me intubation equipment in case he needs to go back on as well as an oxygen face mask too please?"  
"Yeh," the nurse nodded then pottered off to get the supplies, nowhere near as effected by the scene as Zack was. He could still hear Tyler's drugged struggle against the foreign object intruding his throat.

"Is he okay? Is my boy okay?" Dad asked with a tone of desperation that Zack had never heard before.  
"Chances are he won't remember this so don't be too concerned, in fact, this is good Mr Joseph. He's showing improvements."

 

 

Conscious was quite a loose term. Technically Tyler was awake and technically he was conscious, but to Zack he seemed unrecognisable and that was truly terrifying. A little voice in the back of his mind told him that this was permanent, that this was his brother now, that this was it. This couldn't be it.

His eyes were open and the back of his bed propped up to a semi sitting position, and he was curious but non communicative. Occasionally the odd squeak or whine would escape his mouth but mostly Tyler stared at the ceiling or grabbed at people with puppet hands. It was scary for everyone and everyone was pretending it wasn't.

In a way Tyler was himself because Tyler was causing trouble for himself, just like he always had done before the attack. He liked to pull on things, liked to pull on the PCA pump attached to the IV line in his hand and the oximeter on the end of his finger and the heart rate monitor wires stuck to his chest and the oxygen cannula wrapped around his ears and in his nose and the NG feeding tube stuck to his cheek and also entering his nostril. Anything he could reach, he would pull.

"Baby, baby no, don't pull, baby," Mom warned him softly as he began tugging only moments after she had settled him the last time. She stood up and carefully plied Tyler's hands off his face and instead began playing with them gently, swinging them side to side and making Tyler smile before starting to peddle them that made him giggle a little. "You like that hey? You like that?"

Zack had lost track, and the plot he thought to himself, of what day of the week it was. He was fairly sure that it had been either 4 and a half days or 5 and a half days, and he was completely sure that the longer Tyler was sick like this the less likely he was to recover, and he was also completely certain that Josh was still yet to visit once.

He tried to be sympathetic, to imagine what it must be like knowing that your father attacked someone, but it couldn't be any harder than what Tyler was going through. Tyler was the one who had a boot rammed through his ribcage and door smashed through his skull. As upsetting as it might have been to Josh, he could get over it. Maybe Tyler would never get over this, maybe Tyler would never get better and maybe Josh would abandon him because of it.

"Zack sweetheart do you need to go for a walk?" Mom asked and he realised he was crying again.  
"No." He shook his head and instead stood up and joined her at Ty's bedside. "Hey Ty, hey, heya, you remember me? Hey, I'm your brothe-"  
"Saa!" Tyler exclaimed happily and tears still rolled down Zack's face as he realised that maybe he did recognise him, maybe he did know what was going on and maybe, just maybe, he was trying to say his name.  
"Zack."  
"Zaa!!"  
"Try again Tyler, Zack."  
"Zag!"  
"Yeah, yeah that's right Ty," he sniffed.  
"Well done baby, well done, so clever." Mom praised him and he grinned proudly.  
"Jish."  
"Josh? Josh isn't here."  
"Jish!" Tyler began reaching out and grabbing for the boyfriend that never bothered to turn up.  
"He's not here Tyler, I, I dunno where he is, but he's not here."

 

 

It had been the worst half week of his life and Josh was completely powerless to change any of it. After the paramedics took Tyler, Debby insisted that Josh get away from the house as soon as possible. Although they didn't know for sure, they both knew for sure that it had been a homophobic attack and most likely Josh wasn't safe either. She literally dragged him across the street and he had to watch from the window seat as his father casually got out the garden hose and washed away the blood and the vomit from the drive and down to the drain on the road. Washed away like nothing.

The police turned up too, that was another sob renderer. They spoke to his father on the half bloody door step, not even entering the house, then bid him a good day and trudged over to speak to Debby. As far as he was concerned they didn't know he was there, and he didn't want to speak to stayed hidden in her bedroom. After they left she told him that no arrests were going to be made until Tyler could give a statement, and Josh broke down again because his poor baby couldn't even speak.

He was desperate to visit him, to apologise endlessly and to love him until he was well enough to love himself and then continue to do it anyway. But Debby didn't let him, apparently the panic attacks and the breakdowns meant he wasn't well enough to leave the house let alone go to the hospital. So she went and she returned and she cried and he cried and they both cried. It wasn't good.

Josh thought he'd hit rock bottom, sobbing in his ex-girlfriend's bedroom whilst his boyfriend fought for his life in intensive care. Apparently not. Somehow his mom had found out where he was and stormed into the house. There was real panic throughout the Ryan family and a genuine sense of danger, and whilst Josh heard his mother screaming homophobic slurs from the kitchen he followed Debby out of the backdoor and down to the bottom of her yard. The goodbye was tearful but rushed.

He didn't know where to go, he didn't really have anywhere to go. Before Tyler transferred to their school he was friends with everyone but slowly yet surely they had drifted apart as he spent more time with Ty but Ty was too anxious so spend time with so many people. So although he still had friends, he didn't have friends he trusted enough to protect him from his parents. All his extended family were equally as homophobic as his immediate and he'd be no safer with them. The only other option he had was the streets.

The first night was bad but it was no worse than the ones he'd spent with Debby. He'd found a bench but he hadn't really slept and instead cried and cried because all his worst fears had come true. Someone had outed him and Tyler to his parents and they had reacted exactly how he knew they would, with fire and anguish. Josh knew he'd never go home again, never see his parents again, never see his brother or his sisters again, at least he wouldn't if he wanted to survive. And right now that was questionable.

It was freezing and he was starving but it didn't matter, nothing seemed to matter when all he could think about was Tyler's blood coating him. And that was the reason after the second night that he decided not the spend a third doing nothing to help his precious man, maybe he couldn't save his life but at least he wasn't doing nothing.

The hospital was the other side of town and would take him the morning to walk to, so first he decided to try the Joseph's house. A very very small, and most likely delusional, part of him thought that maybe Tyler would be home after 6 days in hospital. He'd prayed he was right but he knew he wasn't. And yet he still found himself on the doorstep with his heart in his mouth, hoping for the best.

It took an eternity after he knocked before Chris answered, deep frown embedded in his forehead that accompanied dark shadows under his eyes.  
"Hi Mr Joseph-"  
"What do you want?!" He snapped bitterly and Josh's heart hurt.  
"I came to see Tyler."  
"Well Tyler's not here, Josh, Tyler's in intensive care." The father said without a hint of warmth, and Josh felt sick. "My son is in intensive care, where the hell have you been? Hey? He's needed major brain surgery and been in a coma because of your family and you don't even have the decency to pay him a visit?! Jesus Christ Josh, you've got some cheek turning up on our doorstep."  
"I'm sorry."  
"Good, you should be! You promised me you'd be careful with him, you told me you would look after him Josh. You were supposed to keep him safe, supposed to care for him and yet you left him in the dark with your family and you therefore left him open to attack. You should have known better and you should have warned him and yet you didn't, your father's not the only one to blame Josh, you play a role in this too."  
"I'm s-sorry." Josh couldn't help but begin to cry yet again.

"Come on come in, I'm sorry, I went too far and I apologise, come in." The older sighed, holding the door open and beckoning him in. Josh tried and failed to hold back his sobs as he entered the house and followed him into the living room. Maddy and Jay were sat there but quickly ran away as they went in and sat down, and Josh was too preoccupied to lie and reassure them that he was okay.

"Sit down, make yourself comfortable, can I get you a drink?"  
"N-no, th-tha-nk y-you,"  
"Alright son, calm down, I'm sorry, I've just had a lot on my mind these past few days as I'm sure you can understand, but I am sorry."  
"S'o-okay,"  
"Just, um, just try one of Tyler's breathing exercises for his panic attacks?" Chris tried to help him calm down but feeling just as awkward about it as Josh.

"How, h-how is he?"  
"He's uh, he's doing well, making progress, slow but nevertheless it's progress."  
"W-what, what does that m-mean?"  
"Can't sit up yet but he's trying to talk."  
"He's ta-alking?" Josh cried.  
"Trying. It's slurred and doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but it's better than it was." He explained quietly, clearly upset over his son's condition. "He's been asking after you."  
"He has? Please Mr Joseph, pl-ease, c-can I see h-him?"

 

 

To say Josh was scared was an understatement, he was down right terrified. Debby had described tubes and wires and monitors and bandages and dressings and bruises that sounded horrific, and Josh had struggled to picture his beloved in such a state. But now, now there was the unknown. Chris had agreed to take him and Chris had told him he was awake and starting to talk, so a lot must have changed since Debby's visit but that meant there were a lot of unknowns and they were making his already hurting heart pound through his chest.  
"This is TyTy's room!" Jay pointed, leading the way with Maddy. The youngsters couldn't be left home alone and so they had to be brought along too which only added another thing to Josh's list of reasons to feel like a guilty sack of crap.  
"Remember to be quiet when we go in guys, shh." Chris hushed them softly then opened the ICU room and let the littleones enter then gestured for Josh to go in. With a deep breath he dug deep and stepped forwards.

The most immediately noticeable thing was the tiny frail but familiar body of his boyfriend swamped in the large hospital bed that took up the majority of the room. And the most immediately noticeable thing about that tiny man was the huge white bandage that encircled his head, noticeably more padding on one side and Josh winced as he remembered why. It took him a moment for him to notice that anybody had joined him and even just from the eye contact they held, Josh could tell he was seriously unwell. There was no smile of familiarity, no loving joy, no sign of recognition at all.

"Good morning son," Chris greeted him as Maddy sat with her mom and Zack on the seats and Jay ran to be by his oldest brother.  
"Morning TyTy!"  
"Hi," Tyler smiled at them, slightly wonkily, but still didn't register Josh.  
"Tyler." His dad said then waited a few seconds as Tyler didn't look up but still kept looking at Jay. "Tyler, can you look up here son? Dad's talking. Tyler. Ty?"  
"Hi."  
"Hi, can you see that Josh is here too? Josh."  
"Hi."  
"Hey babe," Josh tried to say calmly but tears were running down his cheeks because Tyler didn't have a clue what was going on.  
"Hi." He repeated again like a broken record and Josh began to wonder whether he even knew what it meant or whether he was just copying a sound because he couldn't do anything else.

"Ooo, this is a lot of people, 2 at a time please guys, let's not overwhelm him." A nurse walked into the room carrying a bag of saline that she hooked up.  
"Alright Jay, Maddy, let's go down to the canteen and see who can find the donut with the most sprinkles on." Chris suggested and they both grinned happily then raced out of the room, but that still left 3 people and Josh knew he should be the fourth to leave.  
"I'll, I'll see you later sweethea-" Josh couldn't even finish his sentence before Tyler started kicking off. He wasn't quite sure what was happening and it was frightening but Tyler was clearly distressed, stomping his feet against the mattress and bouncing his torso against the slightly tilted back and frowning angrily.

"Okay okay shhh baby, shhh, Josh can stay, Josh can stay." Kelly told him and immediately Tyler relaxed again. "Good boy,"  
"I'll go." Zack sighed and Josh knew he didn't want to but he was gone before he could say anything; Chris waved goodbye then followed his 3 kids out and left Josh alone with Kelly, Ty and the nurse.

"Alright Tyler, can I have your left hand please." The nurse requested from his bedside and, after a moment's thought, Tyler lifted and moved his right towards her. "We've still not got left and right hey darling?"  
"He, um, he," Josh tried to decided whether it was his place to speak or not. "He doesn't like people touching his left arm, it uh, he's got scars and he gets self conscious."  
"Lef, righ, lef, righ, lef, righ," Tyler chanted whilst lifting the appropriate foot and letting it crash down onto the mattress which made him grin and Josh smile through the tears.

"Wow well done Tyler, that's really good, thank you for explaining sir."  
"Josh is Tyler's boyfriend." Kelly told the nurse proudly.  
"Oh you're the mystery man hey? Tyler's told me all about you." The nurse smiled and Tyler giggled. "Just need to attach this and then I'll leave you two to spend some time together."  
"Thank you Cara." Kelly said and the woman joined the saline bag she had hung up on the hook to the line in Tyler's hand, connecting the valves and ensuring it was done correctly.  
"Right, see you later Ty,"  
"Bye!"  
"Bye," she waved then walked out.

"Josh!!" Tyler turned to see him and reached out with his hand, trying to grab towards him.  
"Hey sweetheart,"  
"Go to him," Kelly reassured him quietly, so Josh stood up from his seat and held his hand gently, careful not to knock the IV or stare too much at the bandage round his head.  
"Hi!"  
"I love you Tyler, I love you so much babe,"  
"L' you."  
"I love you," Josh whispered again as tears dripped down his cheeks. "I'm so sorry-"  
"No Josh don't you dare, don't you dare, this is not your fault." Kelly interrupted him definitely.  
"But-"  
"No, no buts."  
"My father though,"  
"He's to blame Josh, not you, you're not responsible for his actions."  
"I just, I, I should have been more careful,"  
"And I shouldn't have let him leave the house. Anyone can find a way to blame themselves Josh but it doesn't help Ty get better."  
"I better!" Tyler said happily.  
"Yeh, yeh you're getting lots better baby." His mom told him. "And you're gonna keep on getting better aren't you?"  
"Yeh!"

"Tyler do you want Josh to climb up on the bed with you baby? Sit with you?"  
"Hug?"  
"Yeah hug."  
"Yeh!" Tyler nodded before wincing a little and Josh knew he must be in serious pain. He put down the metal side of the hospital bed then careful climbed into the massive space Tyler didn't fill with his skinny body. Honestly Josh was scared to touch him, but Tyler immediately grabbed the arm closest to him and wrapped himself around it like a koala, all whilst smiling happily. Having Tyler's familiar warmth and familiar smell and familiar shape so close to him helped him forget the Hell they'd both begin through the last few days for a brief moment. It was only when Josh went to kiss his head but had to avoid masses of gauze and bandage only to find a shaven scalp was he brought back to reality.

"Don cry,"  
"I'm sorry babe," Josh whispered. "I just love you so much."  
"L' you too Josh."

 

 

  
Whilst Tyler was taken away for his PT, Kelly and Josh sat on the row of seats outside the room and stared at the pamphlets and posters in front of them. Josh had so much he wanted to say and all of it included apologies and general hysterics over Tyler's condition with the odd question about whether he'd get better or not thrown in, but he couldn't say any of it. All he could do was try his best to hold back the sobs.

"Josh."  
"Mmm?"  
"Did you know your parents are homophobic?"  
"When I was 6, my best friend was a boy called Olly and we used to play together after school everyday. Once he came round to my house and we played in the garden like normal and then Mom called us in for dinner and we ran in together holding hands. She locked me in the basement for 3 days." Josh said, playing with a thread on his jeans.  
"That's why you never came out to them?"  
"They caned me for watching Tyler Oakley playing the Disney challenge."  
"They cane you Josh?"  
"Sometimes."  
"Oh darling, why didn't you say something?"  
"What good would that have done?" He scoffed quietly. "They would have kicked me out."

"Have they? Have they kicked you out Josh?"  
"Yeh."  
"Are you staying with Debby?"  
"Was. They chased me out of there too."  
"So do you have somewhere to go?"  
"I've uh, yeah, I've got somewhere."  
"Grandparents?"  
"No, worse than my parents, I've got a spot in the park."  
"The park?" Kelly repeated. "Josh, have you been sleeping rough?"  
"I guess."  
"No darling no! You can't, I won't allow it."  
"Mrs Joseph I've got nowhere else to go."  
"Nonsense, you're staying with us Josh."  
"After everything I've done to your family? I couldn't." Josh shook his head.  
"Everything you've done? Josh? If you mean the fact that you've made everything better then you're completely right."  
"Better?"  
"Yes Josh, you've improved all of our lives just by making Tyler happy. Back in our old neighbourhood without meeting you he was a mess Josh, he was a mess and it impacted every single one of us and made the house such an upsetting place to be. Everyone had to look after him, I've had Jay come and hand me razor blades he's found and Maddy help me clean up his blood from bad sessions, not forgetting Zack having to move into his bedroom to keep him safe during the night. Tyler felt we had to act in certain ways and stick to certain rules and if we didn't then he'd have a meltdown and start pulling his hair out, so we all had to live in a house where we couldn't open the curtains in the kitchen and we could only eat with an even amount of food on our plates and we could only have meals at certain specific times, and the list goes on and on and on. Before you came along and calmed him down, he was scarily sick Josh. So yes, yes of course the least we can do to repay you is give you a bed to sleep in."

"I don't want to inconvenience you, especially not if Tyler's going to need extra assistance and care now."  
"The team have told me that there's no reason he won't make a full recovery."  
"Wait really?"  
"Really." Kelly nodded as Josh cried. "There's a chance he might develop epilepsy and we've got to be really really careful he doesn't get an infection such as meningitis, but they said that he's improving so fast that on this trajectory he might even be home in a week."  
"A week?"  
"Yeh. And Josh, even if a full recovery is too optimistic there is nobody I'd rather have helping my son than you."  
"Thank you Mrs Joseph."  
"Now that's enough of this Mrs Joseph nonsense, call me Kelly."  
"Thank you Kelly."

"And I'll say it now because I don't want you fretting, but you'll always be welcome in our household Josh. No matter what happens between you and Tyler, if things don't work out then that doesn't automatically equate to you being kicked out, okay? We'll sort out an arrangement I promise, we'll help you either afford college accommodation or set you up with something else, alright? Your relationship and your conditions of living with us are separate." She said and he teared up again. "But I'm just saying that so you don't worry, deep down I know that you two are gonna make this work and you're gonna get married Josh. You and Ty, you're good for each other, you improve each other's lives and that's the best bit about meaningful relationships."  
"Yeh," Josh whispered tearfully.  
"Don't worry darling, we're going to look after you now, okay? We'll look after you." She told him and he wasn't exactly sure why but he let out a small sob and she was quick to wrap him up in her arms.

He wasn't sure whether it was the difference between her and his real mom, or finally opening up about the way he had been treated, or at long last feeling like he wasn't holding back any secrets about who he was, or maybe just the fact that Kelly agreed with him that Tyler was a long term part of his life, but he was sobbing in her arms and he couldn't stop.

 

 

9 days after the attack, Tyler had been moved out of intensive care and onto the high dependency unit. It wasn't that much different, still white walls, still beeping machines, still sterile smells, however it did mean that Josh was allowed to take him off the ward for short bursts of time. That particular morning they had agreed that a visit to the hospital's peace garden would be nice, so a nurse helped Tyler settle into a wheelchair with a blanket on his lap and Josh had the honour of pushing him there.

It wasn't particularly big but it was very well looked after, beautiful flowers of countless different colours blooming in every direction, wind chimes playing in the soft breeze, a gentle fountain in the pristine pool of bright koi adding to the pleasing sounds. Josh wheeled Tyler along the wooden path that weaved between the flower beds and occasional sculptures before stopping by the pond. He made sure his wheelchair was right up against the bench before sitting down next to him and holding his hand.

"It's pretty here."  
"Yeah, yeah it's really nice, and we've got it all to ourselves which is an added bonus." Josh smiled and squeezed carefully.  
"I like it."  
"Me too Ty." He hummed and listened to the chimes for a moment, trying to build confidence. "Listen, babe, there's uh,"  
"Wha's wrong?"  
"Nothing's wrong honey, nothing, I just wanted to tell you that things are going to be a bit different when you come home."  
"No!" Tyler started to panic, working himself up.  
"Tyler, Tyler breathe, sweetheart no, sit down." Josh told him as he tried to stand up out of the wheelchair and most likely run off. "Ty,"  
"No!"  
"Do you want to sit next to me? Would that be better?"  
"Umm," he said quietly before nodding shyly. Josh knew he wasn't supposed to walk independently yet, only with the help of his physiotherapist, but it was only a few steps so Josh stood up and wrapped an arm around his torso and slowly slowly supported his uneven steps until he settled down onto the bench.

"Comfortable?"  
"Y-yeh," Tyler nodded, so Josh sat next to him and kept the arm around his back. The younger nestled himself into Josh's chest, careful not to knock the massive wound on the side of his head.  
"Listen sweetheart, all I wanted to say is that I'm probably going to move in, but only if you feel okay about it."  
"Live, l-live together?"  
"Yeah, is that alright?"  
"Yeah! That's, that's awesome Josh."  
"Sure? I know you like your alone ti-"  
"No, no I like being with you more."  
"Well that's lucky." Josh smiled, pecking the top of his head carefully. "Your mom and dad have already said it's okay, and I've been sleeping in your house since I first came to visit you the other day."

"Are we, are we getting a double bed?" Tyler asked with a guilty giggle that made Josh laugh too.  
"No, fraid not, your dad said we have to get twins. He's going to take me to IKEA later but I wanted to check with you first."  
"We can push th-them together?" He grinned hopefully.  
"Course we can." Josh winked then kissed him on the lips. "And Ty, once we finish school and we get jobs and all the rest, we'll buy are own place I promise and we're gonna get the biggest double bed together."  
"Not, n-not too big, I don't want to be too far away from you."  
"Tyler you're never going to be far from me ever again, I promise. And I also promise that from this day onwards I'm going to protect you and look after you and love you more than you'll ever truly understand."  
"S-sounds like we-wedding vow-ws."  
"Haha not just yet babe, one day though,"  
"You pr-promise?"  
"I promise." Josh told him with complete and utter honesty.

**Author's Note:**

> P.S shameless self promo but if you enjoy brain injury recovery fics then I've written one called Sleep as Deep as Death so go check it out :P it's far far more in depth than this one is because I didn't want this to be too similar, but if you want a more medical/sickfic sort of thing then that's the one for you xx


End file.
